How to give up?

finally, i met up with him at my house....the hugs n kisses that i have long for...i really treasure every moment we had together,coz it's not easy to get to meet him. He said hurtful words to me again in chat during working hours, again, my tears dropped, again,my heart broke to pieces, again chill thru my hands making them numb. When i saw him, i told him not to say that to me,dun hurt me, he said, i should know the day will come..... i know it will, but if it is not for now, then dun keep ring them in my mind and hurt me. My heart is super weak now, and unbearable. watever that he is worry about, i know, i,too have the same worries, but to me, except for damian, nothing is more important than he is now. i dunno why i could rank him so high in my life now, i dunno what is there that i am willing to sacrifice to earn just his love,hug and pampering. i never ask for anything official, all i want is just his love, something invincible,something that never can be rate or weigh. The whole told me that i am stupid, but isn't that what love is all about? I have bet my entire love life into this relationship....and if i were to force to let go of him, i will give up my whole love life to him, and there shall be no more love feelings in me.... i shall not fall in love anymore coz without falling,there will be no hurt. I wanted to tell him, the day i i end my love for him, would be the day of my last breath.... i shall bring this love to the next life if i have...coz we promised, we shall continue the incomplete love to the following life to make it complete..... he alwiz said he know how much i love and care.... but know n feel is 2 diff thing, if he can really feel how much i love and how far i have fallen, he will not keep asking me let go, coz he should understand at this level, how am i able to do so?

from the beginning, it's my problem that i din control well my feelings. i have known from the very start that if i put feelings and fall again, the same incident would take place. i must control, i must avoid,yet the more i control, the worse the situation is...i fell even deeper...if to hurt again, i dunno if i will be able to stay as strong as before, or i am gonna lose all the faith i have.... i have lost my ways and all directions....